


Naught

by heeyeonnie



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 16:04:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18898006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeyeonnie/pseuds/heeyeonnie
Summary: He greatly loathes guns but if holding one would atone him he’ll hold it without any reserved hesitations.





	Naught

Ichika Hoshino.

A 21 year old female cop who’s under SRCPO, Special Regional Crime Prevention Office.

She told me she wants to solve the violent series of crimes called ‘X-Day’ and believed it will be efficient to team up with me because perhaps she could seek answers of Adonis’ mayhems. Of course, I asked why she particularly choose the August case and she answered a lot of crimes rose in the month of August and she found it bizarre.

I didn’t really trust her talents or capabilities and what’s more she’s bothersome, so I refused to team up with her. Why would I gamble myself to a stranger who—out of whims—Adonis chose?

But she was really persistent. It annoyed me. When I was still working in Shinjuku’s Police Cyber Crime Department, a lot of people used to ignore me because of my sharp tongue. I was just stating facts to them and opinions are only one-sided, so why should I bother?

She didn’t give up easily although even I was giving harsh response or perhaps insult to her. People around me wasn’t anything like that, well, maybe except for Minegishi-san. No matter how I refused him, he’s also persistent but I could manage.

I could see how she wants—no—needs to solve the August X-Day crimes. Everyday, she wouldn’t stop pestering me until I gave up. Congrats to her, she managed to caught my attention.

I gave her simple tests to prove if she’s really serious about this matter. It was really simple tests, well, real idiots can’t answer it. It surprised me how she answered these tests of mine and how stupid she looked when she passed my tests with a wide smile.

I didn’t hate it. In fact, I’d like to see that stupid smile once more. For once, I felt it’s a bit breather when we crossed our fates.

But I can’t see that stupid smile anymore.

She’s dead. Her corpse, turning cold, is on my warm arms. Even though it’s warm, a dead won’t feel it anymore.

It’s ironic, I know a dead won’t be alive but I wish this is all a bad joke or perhaps she can survive if I rushed her in the nearest hospital...

“So, this is how people around me felt? That reality hurts this much?”

She protected me from getting shot by the infamous Adonis member, Manabu Soda, although my life isn’t really worth dying for. In the end, I can’t be kinder to her, huh? This throbbing pain... I want to end it.

She’s a complete idiot in the end.

Someone. Please. End this pain for me.

Of course, no one can. This can’t stop unless if I do something. Around me says they sympathize with me losing someone but it feels so hollow.

I feel anger rising inside me.

How can they say that when they didn’t unjustly lose someone important to them? I want to use my hands to punch someone but I remain silent all this time.

Anger. Sadness. They’re all mixed inside me, resulting into pain. This pain.

You brought this inflicted pain, stupid cat. Why would you...? On the second thought, it’s not her who brought this pain.

“Adonis... you’ll pay for this.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yanagi-san’s team, our team, continued despite the tragedy of Ichika. We still pursue the X-Day crimes as if Ichika was only remembered in the day when she died.

“Sasazuka, any reports from your end?” Yanagi-san asks me.

I stop typing in front of my PC to look at his eyes. “Nothing, unfortunately.”

He exasperatedly sighs and then he smiles. “I see, thanks for your hardwork.”

“I’m going home, Yanagi-san.” I turn off my PC and place the swivel chair properly inside this desk.

“Oh? Well, take care.”

I told a lie. I’m not going home but going to meet the person who’s vital tracking down Adonis’ hideout.

Akito Sera.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Flashback:**

It was hard for me to tell this to Ichika’s younger brother, Kazuki, about what happened to her. I want to keep this forever but eventually he’ll find out she’s gone and I think without saying anything will make the situation worse. Calling him sis-con is not a good idea either to lift the heavy atmosphere.

If I was honest, I didn’t have a remaining energy left because the pain is too much for me and telling him the details of what happen fears me but I need to plaster the professionalism mask. I need to.

I rang the doorbell at the Hoshino residence and waited for someone to open it. After I waited 30 seconds, Ichika’s younger brother opened it. He was expecting his older sister but disappointment was evident on his face.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I already knew I’m unwelcomed by her younger brother.

“I have something to talk about.”

“Kazuki who’s—“ That voice... it belongs to Sera. “O-Oh... Sasazuka-san...” He looks uncomfortable seeing me.

“So, what is it you want to talk about?” Glad to know her younger brother wants to get straight to the point.

“Talking outside isn’t the best option. Let me in.” Although I didn’t have his consent, I barged in.

“What the hell?! Who told you to come in?!” Kazuki looked irritated but I didn’t care less.

“F-For now, let’s hear what Sasazuka-san has to say.” Sera wanted to hear despite feeling uneasy around me.

“Good point, Sera.” I agreed.

They sat down and looked straight at me. Good.

“I’ll be frank.” Doubts arose inside me but I need to tell them the truth. “Kazuki, your older sister, Ichika, is dead.”

When I said that they looked shocked. Nobody bothered to utter a word but Kazuki was the first one to break the silence.

“What are you saying?! This isn’t funny! You’re fooling around!” Kazuki was denial hearing this.

I want to deny it but that is a mere tomfoolery.

“Nee-san... is dead?” Hearing Sera’s mumble, he looked horrified hearing that from me.

“Akito! Don’t tell me you’re believing this bastard’s—?!”

I couldn’t handle his denials anymore as I— “I DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE IT EITHER! BUT! BUT—!” I couldn’t stop my outburst. “Ichika... she died protecting me when Manabu fired his firearms. I can show you her corpse on the nearest morgue, if you want.”

Sera covered his mouth and he looked horrified learning what caused Ichika’s death. Kazuki curled his fists and he grabbed my collar, looking like a feral animal who’s ready to kill.

“She died protecting you...? WHY ALL OF PEOPLE?! WHY IT HAS TO BE YOU! THAT STUPID ICHIKA!” I was ready for that punch but he stopped as tears streamed down on his cheeks. “That stupid Ichika...” He started to sob and slouched against the wall.

(That’s also my question, idiot. Why me? She could have... protected herself.)

(My life isn’t worth it.)

“Nee-chan... I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’M ALREADY SORRY SO DON’T MESS WITH ME AND COME BACK!” No matter what Kazuki begged, Ichika won’t.

“Kazuki... I’m sorry.” Sera said, bowing his head.

“My head’s a mess right now. Please, leave. Both of you.” Kazuki pleaded.

“If you want more details regarding your sister, contact me.” I stood up from where I was sitting and went outside the Hoshino residence with Sera.

The silence was deafening but I heard my phone vibrated. So, I checked it. It was Sera who messaged me.

Akito Sera: I deeply apologize of what happened to nee-san! I can’t talk but we can form our communication through messaging apps. “He” will hear us.

Takeru Sasazuka: Based of what emotions you showed earlier and messaging me right now. You know something about Adonis, Akito Sera.

Akito Sera: I admit! I know! I completely know something about Adonis! But I didn’t expect this will happen!

Takeru Sasazuka: Who is this “he”? Is he the leader of Adonis?

Akito Sera: He is the leader of Adonis. I don’t know because I haven’t met him or the other Adonis members personally. We only know him in the name of “Zero”.

Takeru Sasazuka: Zero... huh.

Akito Sera: Don’t worry, Sasazuka-san. I’ll provide additional info about the Adonis hideout and I’ll breach their security but it’ll take time.

Takeru Sasazuka: Then, I’m counting on you.

Akito Sera: I... I hate this. I just want nee-san and Kazuki reconciliate but that won’t happen anymore. Kazuki’s regrets will grow big and bigger. I don’t want them to end up like me and my little sister but...

Takeru Sasazuka: I’m correct then. You want them to reconciliate because you failed to reconciliate with your little sister thus avenged her by bombing the whole class who trampled her.

Akito Sera: Yeah.

Takeru Sasazuka: June X-Day Incident is solved then.

Akito Sera: Guess so... don’t you want to kill me, Sasazuka-san?

Takeru Sasazuka: I don’t. I believe you’re not evil and I understand what you feel of having regrets. Killing you will saddened Ichika, especially her sis-con little brother will get angry at me, I don’t want that.

Akito Sera: Sasazuka-san...

Takeru Sasazuka: Well, you better rest now.

Akito Sera: Yup.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Present:**

“Sasazuka-san...” Basing what his face looks, he looks uneasy how will this conversation go.

What an easy book.

“What is it, Sera?”

“Do you really have to do this?”

“I’ve come this far, Sera. There’s no way I’m backing down.”

“Then! I’ll go with you!” He insists.

There’s no way I’ll bring him with me. I want Sera to live and enjoy his remaining life. I’m guessing he wants to die here as well.

“Sorry, I have to do this.” I smile for the first time and his eyes widens.

I knock out Sera’s pressure point near his neck and he falls in unconscious state.

We spent three days how to infiltrate the Adonis hideout and I’ve gathered evidences with the help of Sera who did the X-Day Indicents in April, May, June, July, August, September, October, and November and they are set in countdown mode because once the time sets, the monitors in Shinjuku Police Station will play a video about the X-Day Incidents. I spent two weeks to train how people fall unconscious by hitting them in pressure points. And... although I hate guns, I carried one and spent training secretly for five days.

If carrying one will atone me then I’ll throw everything on the line.

I’m not confident about my skills but this is now or never. I’ll do whatever it takes to takedown Zero. If this plan fails, I’ll have to bomb this whole area.

I reload the gun I’m using. This gun belongs to Ichika and I find strength every time I use it. This gun’s name is Ichika.

I attached a keychain on her gun. The keychain is a folded paper from her diary. I feel like she’s with me if I have this.

Ichika... wait for me. Just a bit longer, I’ll be with you.

 

* * *

 

**What’s written on the folded paper keychain:**

**Entry #044:** Sasazuka-san... although he acts cold but the kindness he shows is very warm. I wonder if I have a chance to tell him what I’m feeling? I hope when the X-Day Incidents are solved I can bravely confess that I love him so I prove I’m capable myself! Please, let him be safe and whatever pain he is feeling right now, I’ll be with him.

* * *

 

 

Okay, I’m near where Zero is.

If I’ll just open this door it will lead me to where Zero is. This is now or never, so I open the door.

This looks like a church and someone’s already anticipating me because there’s a figure whom I expected to be.

Yuzuru Saeki.

Ichika’s former classmate and her co-police cop in SRCPO. I only based in my own speculations but I already assumed he was Zero because Ichika often wrote in her entries about him and they talk about justice or philosophy and before Ichika was collared, the last person whom she talked to was him.

I point the gun at him.

“Yuzuru Saeki, you’re under arrest.”

“You have my applause of making this far, Sasazuka-kun.” He claps his hands.

“Oh? Stop the stupid act.” My finger almost pulled the trigger.

“I’ll gladly then.” He stops clapping. “I can’t have your way of stopping my plans unfortunately.” His fake smile disappears as ice cold eyes appear.

He also grabs his gun and points at me. “I’ll have Japan cleansed before you cleanse me.”

“Cleansed? What a weird thing to say when human kept respawning and repeat the same mistake all over again. Your plan cleansing Japan is all for naught, Yuzuru Saeki.”

“You’re mistaken if I told I’m just only going to kill these sinners. I’m planning to erase criminals and what about who remains that will have a possibility to commit crime? They’ll have their ego be erased. That’s what cleansed means.”

Erasing their ego? What a complete idiocy. Yuzuru Saeki must have lost his mind but I can’t say I’m different.

“Not interested about your cleansing plans. It’s Ichika who only matters and I’m here to fulfill what Ichika wants and I’ll defeat you right here!” I don’t hesitate to pull the gun’s trigger.

I hit him on his shoulder, alright. He also fires his gun back at me and I flinch in the inflicted pain on my right arm.

I want to kill him but killing him won’t return Ichika and it will satisfy me but later on it will only be empty.

“Ack!” I cough blood when he shoots me on my chest and abdomen.

(Guns are really nasty. Haha.)

(It hurt humans.)

(Although my body hurts, I’m glad. I will soon meet Ichika and tell her I fulfilled her wish.)

“Haha...” I uncontrollably chuckle. “They should’ve head over here by now.”

His eyes widens. “What?!”

I hear the noisy sounds of footsteps approaching this area.

(They’re here...)

“Yuzuru Saeki, you’re under arrest.” Morioka-san declares.

I see Sera who runs down to reach me. “Sasazuka-san!” He holds my back. “Hang in there! The help’s here! We can save—“

I smile. “You than anyone else that I can’t...”

“Sasazuka-san don’t say that! Nee-san wouldn’t want to see you dead and she wanted you to live.”

“Haha... I wonder about that... I will tell her I did well.” I want to lift the sad atmosphere. “Thank you for helping me, Akito. Take care.”

I feel my vision is losing its use.

Slowly, everything becomes pitch black.

(Ah... I guess this is it.)

(Ichika... Ichika... I’m sorry it took long.)


End file.
